Anxiety is a natural and essential part of being human. It sharpens our awareness of potential threats and motivates us to take action to stay safe, like becoming more alert while merging onto a busy highway. While it may seem like avoiding anxiety-provoking situations would bring relief, avoidance actually increases anxiety over time.
Therapy can help by providing tools and support to face anxiety with greater confidence and resilience.
Avoidance behaviors make anxiety worse
While the tension that comes with anxiety can sometimes be helpful, like the nervous energy that motivates us to prepare for an important presentation, prolonged or overwhelming anxiety can become limiting. When we avoid situations that trigger anxiety, we send ourselves the message that those situations are truly unsafe. This reinforces fear and creates a cycle: the more we avoid, the more anxious we become the next time we face a similar challenge.
Event
Anxiety
Avoidance
Temporary relief
Intensified anxiety
A situation is perceived as a threat or danger, triggering anxiety.
You become hyperaware of the anxiety and begin to avoid anxiety-provoking situations.
Avoidance delivers temporary relief, training your brain that avoidance is a good response, leading to increased avoidance over time.
Avoidance leads to lower confidence and a diminished sense of mastery, fueling more avoidance and exacerbating your anxiety.
You become more restricted, avoid more situations, and become increasingly isolated. This is the anxiety-avoidance cycle. 
Anxiety avoidance tends to get worse over time
You might skip social events, stay quiet at work or school, or avoid travel to sidestep stress or discomfort. These are common avoidance behaviors, and while they offer short-term relief, they often reinforce anxiety in the long run. Each time you steer clear of a situation that triggers anxiety, your brain learns to view it as dangerous or overwhelming.
The next time the situation arises, your brain will present even greater resistance to participating. You may go to more extraordinary lengths to avoid the trigger. Avoidance leads to isolation from relationships, exacerbates anxiety, is associated with depression, and can suck you into a downward spiral of complex emotions and behaviors.
Breaking the cycle is possible
Escaping the anxiety-avoidance cycle isn’t easy, but it is possible.
The first step is awareness: noticing how avoidance shows up in your life. Are there situations you routinely dodge, like social gatherings, difficult conversations, or unfamiliar places?
Next, it’s essential to understand how avoidance fuels anxiety. When you recognize that avoiding discomfort strengthens fear, you gain the motivation to face it instead.
Then comes the most potent step: gradually challenging your avoidance behaviors. Exposure therapy, an evidence-based approach, involves slowly and safely confronting the things you fear. Over time, your brain learns that the situation isn’t as dangerous as it once seemed. Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy (VRET) is an emerging method that offers immersive practice for scenarios such as flying, public speaking, or crowded spaces.
A therapist who understands anxiety and avoidance behaviors can help you develop effective coping strategies to manage anxiety.
Understanding the role of self-compassion in anxiety recovery
When facing anxiety and the urge to avoid, it’s common to feel frustrated or even ashamed of your reactions. Practicing self-compassion—treating yourself with kindness and understanding rather than harsh judgment—can play a crucial role in recovery. Instead of beating yourself up for feeling anxious or avoiding certain situations, self-compassion helps you acknowledge your struggles without adding extra emotional weight. This gentle approach reduces the internal pressure that often fuels anxiety and creates a safer mental environment for growth. Cultivating self-compassion alongside therapy can foster resilience and make the path toward change feel more manageable and hopeful.
Reach out today
If avoidance is getting in the way of your goals, relationships, or sense of well-being, therapy can help you break free from the cycle. Together, we can explore the roots of your anxiety, build practical tools for resilience, and support you in moving toward a more connected and empowered life.
In-person sessions are available in Scottsdale, and online sessions are available for all residents of AZ and participating PSYPACT states. Reach out today to schedule an appointment. I look forward to hearing from you.
References and further reading
Bennett, M.P., Roche, B., Dymond, S., Baeyens, F., Vervliet, B., & Hermans, D. (2020). Transitions from avoidance: Reinforcing competing behaviours reduces generalised avoidance in new contexts. Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology (2006), 73, 2119 – 2131.
de Jong, R., Lommen, M.J., van Hout, W.J., de Jong, P.J., & Nauta, M.H. (2020). Therapists’ characteristics associated with the (non-)use of exposure in the treatment of anxiety disorders in youth: A survey among Dutch-speaking mental health practitioners. Journal of anxiety disorders, 73, 102230.
Lemmens, A., Smeets, T., Beckers, T., & Dibbets, P. (2020). Avoiding at all costs? An exploration of avoidance costs in a novel Virtual Reality procedure. Learning and Motivation.
Reeves, R., Curran, D., Gleeson, A., & Hanna, D. (2021). A Meta-Analysis of the Efficacy of Virtual Reality and In Vivo Exposure Therapy as Psychological Interventions for Public Speaking Anxiety. Behavior Modification, 46, 937 – 965.
